


Mementos

by hellscabanaboy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Codependency, M/M, Scars, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-08
Updated: 2013-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-22 20:49:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/917871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellscabanaboy/pseuds/hellscabanaboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Why do you always keep your scars?" Berthold asks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mementos

"Why do you always keep your scars?" Berthold asks.

It's not often that he gets the chance to see Reiner like this, really look at him; he can't just gawk in front of the rest of the unit, and the time they have in private is scarce, their encounters rushed and desperate. But tonight they've crept far enough away that it would take the rest of the night to find them, and he can spread Reiner out before him in the gleaming moonlight. He should be glad for the opportunity - he is glad - but his eyes catch on the once-familiar pattern of Reiner's skin, on the half dozen or more new additions spread across it.

"It would look weird if I didn't have any, wouldn't it?" Reiner replies. "The others have all seen me get hurt."

"Well, yeah," he admits, "but what about--"

Reiner's skin is peppered with old wounds, from the faded white marks Berthold recognizes from boyhood to the barely-closed gash of a broken blade across his chest. It's more like a lovingly curated collection than an accidental assortment of relics, and it seems clear to Berthold that he's never let any of them heal, even the ones hidden beneath his clothing, that if anything he's put the effort towards seeking them out.

"Don't they bother you?" he asks, lets his fingers catch on the raised skin streaking across the muscle of Reiner's chest.

"No," he says, but he's wincing at Berthold's touch. "Why would they? This much is nothing, Bertl, you know that."

Then why are they so important, Berthold could ask. Why do you need to remember every one of them, so much that you'd hold back what you are? He doesn't ask, just digs at the flesh with his fingers, watches as Reiner writhes underneath him.

"Hey, come on," Reiner growls. 

He's so soft under Berthold's hands, despite the hard planes of muscle, so human, and Berthold hates it. He hates not knowing if Reiner will jump and thrash when his fingers hit skin, if he'll flinch from the rough touches like a scared animal. Not knowing if when he blinks his eyes he'll still be seeing Reiner looking back at him.

"I could make you another one," he whispers, bending his head to nip at Reiner's collarbone, where he can't see the look on his face. "Would you keep that one, too?"

"Fuck, Bertl--"

Reiner's voice is exasperated, but he's bucking into him, not just in pain any more, wriggling the rest of the way out of his pants and crushing Berthold's head to his chest in one arm. It's not what Berthold wants, but it's enough, enough strength and solidity and life for him to push back, rub himself against Reiner until he groans and wraps his legs around Berthold's own, clings as tight as Berthold could ever have wanted.

He could do it, weak as he is, could tear into Reiner with his teeth and leave a mark that wouldn't fade without his powers. He'd have to let that one heal, couldn't just walk around with a bite scar, so Berthold wouldn't have to think about what it meant when he did. His teeth itch to bite down.

Instead he wrestles free just far enough to line himself up against Reiner and press inside, relishing Reiner's choked cry in his ear. He can go as hard as he likes to, thrust without mercy and without pretense, because Reiner can take it, Reiner won't bend or yield no matter what happens, what pain or struggle or doubt. Berthold can fix his way by him, can follow where he goes.

He can believe it, if he just closes his eyes, lets himself be held by the coiled power of Reiner's body underneath him. If he just doesn't look too hard.

He doesn't really want to bite into Reiner, doesn't want to feel his flesh give way under his teeth. He doesn't want Reiner to be anything but hard and impervious, even before him. But Reiner's groaning when his teeth scrape on his skin, pushing up into him so his thrusts grow ragged and he has to dig his nails in just to keep hold, and he can't help stop the words from coming out even if he doesn't want to hear the answer.

"You would keep it, wouldn't you?" he says, marveling at how the words come out like ice rather than the shaky need he knows is behind them; but then, that's what he's made for, too. "That's the one you need to remember. Isn't it? Not all the ones you pick up to hide what you are, Reiner, you have to stay-"

Reiner looks up at him with such a stark expression that he could do it, right at this instant, just to tear it off his face, but before he can move Reiner's bucking against him again, forcing their bodies together and drawing Berthold deep as he comes, and Berthold can't do anything but hold on, bend his head to bury his face in Reiner's shoulder and sigh as the force of Reiner's body draws his own orgasm from him.

"You don't have to worry like that," Reiner says at length as he holds Berthold against him, his larger body nearly curled up in Reiner's arms. "I've told you. I know what I am."

He's reluctant to move, doesn't want to be anywhere else as long as he can have the steadiness or Reiner's arms, but their bodies pressed together are a sudden unbearable heat, and the reassurance doesn't sound like a reassurance at all but just an obfuscation, another thing that he can't reconcile with what Reiner is. It's still, hatefully, better than nothing at all, but just for this moment it doesn't feel like it.

"We should get back," he says, disentangles himself from Reiner and forces himself to stand on legs that are suddenly nearly numb. "Someone'll look for us eventually."

Reiner only nods in reply, not meeting his eyes, and Berthold steps aside to let Reiner lead the way back.


End file.
